sleep, violence, sharing of the peace bottle

The interesting thing lately has been sleep.  Or rather lack there of.  Again.  Ever since the extra-miserable couple of weeks complements of Zev's virus-bacteria-allergy combo (apply plurals liberally), he got used to sleeping with (preferably on top of) mom every night.  Once Zev got better and it was time to migrate him back to his bed, the nights have been according to the following formula, without fail:

The boys go to bed just fine.  Between 11 pm and 3 am Zevi wakes up screaming bloody murder, one to four times.  The break is that as soon he hears me walk into the room, he quiets down.  By the time I come over to his bed, there is rarely a need to pick him up (daddy has the 'mute' button).  I inform Zevi that it is still night, he should sleep some more, and I exit the room.  Then, 5 am strikes and no more 'mute' button.  Like clockwork, Zev wakes up and screams.  If I rush in - he is OK in my arms, but the moment I move to put him down he screams again, this time inconsolably.  Ben wakes up, lights, camera, action, day begins by 5:10 am for everyone.  The boys are sleepy and cranky,  ready for their nap by 8; I am ready to kill everyone by about 7.  Alternative option: Alla rushes in at 5, snatches Zev and takes him elsewhere, where I am not.  Zev sleeps on Alla (he wins!) some more, everyone wakes up at 6-something, with full realization that tomorrow will be precisely the same.

Somewhere along the way the lack of sleep began to reflect badly on Benjamin.  One way it showed was in an elevated frequency of unprovoked hair pulling.  On a particular day Ben went for a two-fer, at Gymboree, first getting Zev and then a nice girl.  Both acts resulted at two minutes of indignant crying at a timeout.

After two weeks straight of this both Alla and I were cooked.  And we did the smartest thing all month: we called aunt Shawna, our lifesaver.  Shawna heroically arrived at 5 this morning.  At 5:02, on cue, Zev cried.  In walked Shawna.  Zev looked up, realized he is not dealing with mom or dad, and went back to sleep without a sound.  Shawna walked out.  A minute later I handed Shawna the monitor and Alla and I fell asleep for three more hours, muttering something uncomplimentary about a manipulative baby.  Ah, the inside of my eyelids at 6:45 - that's what you look like!  I've missed you so.  Later we were told that both boys slept until after 7 am (!) and then took a three hour nap during the day.  Something uncomplimentary about not sleeping babies!

In other news: the boys have entered a sharing phase.  While they are having milk they will often swap bottles.  Or toys.  Or blankets.  As long as there is something to barter - the exchanges are easy.  If both are thirsty and only one bottle is in site, things get a little tricky, but not always.  At a recent breakfast Ben gulped his milk down first, while Zev tarried - an unusual event in itself.  Then, Ben reached over and said "дать" ('to give').  Zev handed over the bottle.  Ben took a few gulps and return the bottle at Zev's request.  This passing of the peace bottle went on for good three ounces.

Finally, of numbers.  Our friends from Boston (thank you Gayatri and Victor!) sent us a lovely puzzle - foam pictures with push-through numbers.  The boys are not great at pushing the numbers in, but love to push them out, plus they enjoy the bright colors.  Zev, for some reason, took a liking to the number three.  So, Alla started repeating "tri!  tri!".  Finally, while holding the toy Zevi started saying "tchi!".  Close enough.

a few pictures, finally

By my reckoning it has been roughly four and a half months since the latest posted pictures.  Guess I am due...

Side by side at Gymboree, 9/8/2012

Later that day my unsuspecting company picnic was subjected to Ben and Zev.  The upper management survived.  So did the ponies.

Ben was not too thrilled but he dealt with it.

Zev was even less enthusiastic

Packed away.  10/17/12

With grandma Rita

On dad's birthday.  A rare moment Zev was smiling that day.  11/5/2012

Zev getting ready for a walk with grandpa Tolya.  Mom and dad get an hour's rest.  yay!  11/10/12

Ben getting ready too.  Yes, obsessive grandmothers, the ear was tucked away before departure. 

Zev trying on a new jacket.  Thank you, Boston grandparents!  11/17/12

Ben putting the newly acquired teeth to good...errr, some use.

Benjamin showing off new threads while swigging milk.

A Very Special Post

In the past year and a half you have read me whine about hard life of a parent, sometimes trying to be funny, sometimes just being angry and bitter.

Well, here is some perspective for you.  Below is a link to a blog by Tony and Leslie Allen, new parents of fraternal twins, Kadri Claire and John Alexander "Sander".  Kadri and Sander were born on October 23rd, only 25 weeks into the pregnancy, weighing  1 lb 9. 9oz and 1 lb 11 oz, respectively.
Leslie's blog

All of us at the Kaplan house wish Kadri, Sander, Leslie, and Tony all the best.

Zev's turn at ear infection

Some days ago was my birthday, and a week before that one was Alla's.  How we celebrated those deserves a telling.  For starters, Ben gave his mom a gift of a one day stomach flu that he had (and later shared with his aunt and grandma, generous boy that Benya is).  As a result, Alla met her birthday hugging the porcelain all night. Rita, then not yet affected, took care of her and I spent the night in another room with a monitor.  This being shortly after the switch to daylight savings time, Benya went to bed like a champ according to the new time and woke up according to the old, also known as 4:50-5:20 am range.  

All this time Zevi had a progressively harder time falling asleep with what we thought was a teething-induced runny nose.  No such luck.  A virus left Zevi with a raw, sore through, a cough that hurt him, and an ear infection to boot.  Towards the middle of the week the only way Zevi could sleep, in short bursts, was on top of his mom.  Some minutes at a time, until a cough hurt him and woke him screaming.  The first night things got ... colorful, found us at 4 am in the following configuration: Ben had a hard time falling asleep for some reason, so he was in his room with Alla.  Zevi, in the mean time was snoring away in our bed.  By 4:15 or so I realized that Zevi got major snoring genes (not judging anybody here), gave up, and went to the stairs to read.  Where I was joined a few minutes later by Alla who informed me that Ben was sleeping on the couch, with no room for two, and Alla was afraid to move him to his bed and also afraid to leave him alone.  So, we switched.  Alla got a bed with a snoring Zev, I got the floor next to Ben quietly sleeping on the couch.  That, my friends, was the best night we had that week.  Two more days of not eating and another night of not sleeping landed us at the doctor's.  The first time.  

Let me spare you the details.  Zev (not) slept with Alla by night and did not eat by day.  I slept separately, as long as Ben would let me, which was usually not too late.  Following the visit to the docs we went with antibiotic one, which did not work.  Antibiotic two worked hardly at all, and antibiotic three was administered via a shot.  That one worked and also gave Zev an allergy.  Onto antibiotic four.  

Current status: things seem better.  Days Zev did not eat solid food - 4.  Nights he pretty much did not sleep - 3.  Antibiotics tried - 4, and hope to stay there.  Days left on this one - 3, and here is hoping that Benadryl can keep allergy at bay.  Zev's color and texture: somewhat red and rather bumpy, but not increasing and does not seem to bother him, so we will take it.  Number of nights Ben got me up before 6, and subsequently yelled at me because he was still sleepy and already hungry - 4.  Cracks in kitchen cabinets - 1, and it is not too obvious.  Number of days since I announced I am not dealing with Ben in the morning any more - 4, and I am enjoying every one.

Yet there are other, more fun things to report.  Both of the boys understand more.  When Zev is read to a particular poem where every stanza ends with a name of a body part, he points to the right one before Alla reads it.  Ben, when shown a picture, can identify an airplane, a tractor, a truck, a motorcycle.  That they can both identify a rocket and make the sound of one taking off - goes without saying.

Ben still periodically yanks of Zev's hair, but now he knows for sure that is not allowed.  We have identified a naughty corner.  Let the discipline begin.  

The other day we took the boys to a cafe after Gymboree, for a bite for us and a snack for them.  We got some sandwiches and decided that Zev and Ben can be introduced to 'kids' mac'n'cheese'.  Imagine our shock when the boys spat out the lowly carbs and opted for the delicate roast beef.  However, hunger took over and after some bread and meat and juice the boys went after their own food.  Zev, busily regaining his weight, grabbed at the food and just could not stuff his face fast enough.  Ben got hold of a spoon and went digging at the mac'n'cheese.  He got the movement from plate to mouth down cold; the loading of the spoon, however, eluded him.  Yet the determined baby refused the help.  Food offered by us was ignored, food placed on the spoon for him was dumped out.  After about five minutes of non-stop effort Ben got roughly two portions in his mouth, but fully unassisted.

A much delayed update

Been a while, my dear reader.  It has been... interesting.  A few things changed.

Mobility:
Benjamin now walks rather confidently now, attempts to run.  Indeed he does, until his upper body gets ahead of the legs, at which point gravity takes over.  So far he has not been discouraged.  The stairs, on the other hand, puzzle Benjamin, which is a good thing.  The two small steps in his room Ben can negotiate rather well, with only a 40% chance of falling.  The main stairs he cannot navigate yet, but fortunately they give him pause.  I've watched him try to reach for the handrail, look down, then walk away.
Zev went from not walking to walking rather well within about a week.  He does not run, but walks nearly as well as Benjamin.  On one occasion I tried to teach him to go down the stairs backwards.  He got down two steps successfully, decided it was not fun and crawled back up.

Play:
Alla has been teaching the boys how to build things out of blocks.  After the first two weeks (when they delighted in knocking down whatever mom built), the boys now can build towers two, maybe three blocks tall.  Recently, Zev put a bottle with a square bottom on top of a block for a taller tower.  Initiative.  They boys also like to reproduce the sound a rocket makes (original sound effects by yours truly) and recognize a shape of a rocket easily.

Language and comprehension:
They do not say much more, but added a duck to their animal repertoire.  Also, when recently Alla asked Ben to bring her his socks, to her shock he walked over to the sock box and brought her a pair.  Go figure.  Being chased and getting away when pursued continues to be one of the favorite games.

Competition and, dare I say, combat:
Competitions for control of the books get more serious.  While Ben is usually more aggressive  Zev has discovered a new tactic: sitting on a book that his brother is reading.  Turns out, Benjamin's arsenal of responses is somewhat limited.  On one occasion he went for a solid body tackle from a seated position and got his brother's back.  With baited breath I watched to see if he would capitalize on this classic MMA opportunity.  The result was that both fighters fell back, were puzzled by lack of tactical advantage, rolled into a crouch and disengaged.
Some days later Ben has discovered biting.  One time he went for Zev's arm and got the sleeve.  Later the same night he deliberately got Zev's fingers in his mouth and chomped down. I was expecting Zev to retaliate with a hair pull, but I guess he was not ready.  For the deliberate and unprovoked infliction of pain Ben was punished by being ignored for the remainder of the night (about ten minutes), which he hated, and has not been seen biting since.
Somewhat interestingly, watching me practice a few Tae Kwon Do kicks causes the boys endless joy - they laugh their head off.  One one hand, I am glad I can entertain them.  On the other...  I fully expect they will eventually find my attempts at martial prowess laughable; just did not expect they would develop such a discerning eye that early.  Well, it was bound to happen sooner of later...

A night to remember

Two nights ago was truly a night worth mentioning.  What makes it special is that, for the first time in roughly a month, the boys slept through.  Alla and I were treated to something we practically forgot - namely two children who went to sleep at 7:30 pm and woke up at 6:36 am.  Last night was still better than most - Zev woke up around five.  I came over, told him it was still night and exited.  After a minute or two, he went back to sleep.  The general quarters wake up call was sounded 5 minutes after 6 am.  Not bad.

Improvements in walking continue.  Zev prefers to walk upright while holding onto things - walls, furniture, someone's hand.  Benjamin, on the other hand, hates walking while holding hands.  Instead, he gets up and walks a few meters before plunking down on all four.  In fact, he is now starting to try to go over small obstacles upright (up or down small single steps).  If he looses his balance, he lands on his hands and thinks this a terrific joke.  In his near future I see a few falls and rapid progress.  Yes, grandparents, we will endeavor to curtail the former without hindering the latter.

Recently the boys were exposed to some of my colleagues at the company picnic.  Or, I should rather say, the personnel of the company were exposed to the boys.  Zev and Benjamin, arriving in a separate plastic car each, were a hit.  One chagrined colleague informed me that Ben gave her a terrific smile right after she took the picture.  The boys also enjoyed interacting with the live ponies.  Zev rode a few laps while holding onto mom who was walking beside the horse.  Benjamin, on the other hand, was not his adventurous self and settled for petting the ponies's face, but refused the ride.

Lastly, last weekend the boys had their first swimming lesson.  They had a great time.  Today is lesson two and I will report on that later.

another facet of normal

This too, I shall share.  Last night started rather late for us, as Zev was up from 11:30 to roughly 1 am - presumably, teething.  He spent the time either physically in Mom's arms, or sitting in his bed, screaming full bore, not even trying to sleep.  When he finally quieted down, I was to wound up to sleep, so took the opportunity to answer a few e-mails I could not get to during my very restful long weekend.  I am figuring it was around 1:30 or so when I fell asleep.  And then it was 5:48, Benjamin was screaming, and my day started with cleaning up liquid shit.

I changed both kids and stayed in their room for roughly 40 minutes, listening to the whining from one or the other, cleaning up also two fully runny noses (daily trips to the playground in the mall are certainly paying off).  After that I decided it was important for Alla to participate while I share these few words with you.

The reason I try to volunteer for the morning duty is because I firmly believe we did this to ourselves and deserve nothing better.  This underlying belief shapes my daily parenthood experience.  Add in the knowledge that there are multiple years of this in store, and you have an idea of my basic outlook on life.  Please, save your sympathy.

I also need to go to work a little earlier, so that I can leave early enough to get some childproofing equipment, and possible new doorknobs, on the way home from work.  You see, today I observed Benjamin finally succeeding in opening the door to his room.  He was not entirely able to get out, but that should no more than a dozen attempts away.

Therefore, my gentle reader, I am now off to my 8 am conference call where I shall have to exercise a great deal of diplomacy and tact.  To be followed, undoubtedly, by what will be a very productive workday.  Needless to say, should I fall asleep on the drive home and rap my car around a concrete embankment, that will be just fine with me, thank you very much.  Now, should I forget to use my seat belt today for best effect? Hmmm...

treachery 101

Another recent change in the boys is first indication of deviousness and scheming.  Allow me to explain.  Recently the boys decided that sneaking past me out of the room in the morning is fun.  And it is fun, because I go after them and drag them back - for outside the room lie, among other things, the office (interesting, but full of danger), the bathroom (of many hard surfaces), the bedroom where mom sleeps, and, of course, the long, steep stairs.  All great fun and allowed, but not unsupervised.  Thus, the escaping, the grabbing, and the returning.  Of course, there is a price to pay for the fun sometimes.  For instance, on a recent occasion I had to grab both escapees at once.  Ben squirmed, and got loose just as I was bringing them in for a landing.  A predictable result - Ben cluncked his jaw on my leg and bit his tong.  Evidently, he has enough teeth to draw blood with.  He was genuinely puzzled when he went to explore his mouth (while crying, of course) and his fingers came out with red on them.  Within two minutes, he was back to escaping.

What is important is that the boys understand that escaping is a game - while I am changing one of them, the other would take a step toward the door, then look back to see if I was going to come after him.  If I am busy, the boys are usually content to play in the room.

Alla reported a very similar incident.  While playing downstairs one of the boys initiated an unauthorized ascent of the stairs (the gate as left open).  Alla grabbed him after he got a few steps up.  A short climb followed by a ride on mom, you say?  Awesome!  As soon as crawler 1 was taken off the stairs and deposited some distance away, crawler 2 was already a couple of steps up and crawler 1 was getting ready.  Grab, put down, repeat indefinitely.  After peeling both of the boys off the stairs a few times Alla finally closed the gate.  It should be mentioned here that the only time the boys ever show reluctance to climb, naturally, is at night when we want them to self-propel up to their room for bed.

But this is not the deviousness yet, you say!  Well, hang on!  A few days ago Zev and I engaged in what looked like a competitive game.  I blocked the way out of their bedroom, Zev tried to get by, by going around me.  Well, I am larger and can block the way.  Zev would find his way blocked, laugh, and try to go around.  Find me moved, turn around, repeat.  The game went on to mutual delight for a few minutes and then Zev employed what was an excellent fake.  No idea if it was intentional or a random event - but he went right for one step, changed direction and went left.  Here my size played against me and I really had to scramble to get him.  He earned it - he snuck by, was allowed to get nearly to the door and was grabbed there.

Another time Zev got hold of Ben's blanked, took it away and had a great laugh as his brother tried to get his blanky back.  The laugh, I was told, was not evil, but the act sure was.

Benjamin recently has had nice displays of cunning of his own.  The two "off-limits" items in the boys room are the diaper pail and the trash bin - for obvious reasons.  Ah, but they are big, white, and the diaper pail has a blue handle that moves (thank you, Sergey and Rekha - your gift is in year two of use and not slowing down).  Now that the boys can reach the handle - the pail beckons.  Clearly, the boys know that they are not allowed to play with the two items - we pull them off routinely and, in fact, they look to check our reaction as they grab for the pail's handle.  This morning Ben crawled over, heard me say "don't even think about it", and went to play with the clothing boxes - those are shaped like a frog and a monkey, are "playable", and conveniently situated right next to the forbidden items.  Ben got up, started playing, looked at me to confirm it was OK... and after a few seconds lunged for the diaper pail.  Well played, sir, well played.

... and another early morning post

You have to excuse my lack of creativity with post names, my gentle reader.  That's it, no clever explanation, just deal with it.

You may have also noticed that the previous post ends somewhat abruptly.  Very observant of you.  Indeed, that was dictated by the boys who informed me loudly that they want their morning cartoons.  In fact, even as I type Zev demands my attention.  Let's see if he can help me type.  Being the more patient of the two, there is hope.

Back to recent events.  A couple of nights ago Zev woke up and cried.  I was dispatched to pick him up.  Which I did, to Zev's continued crying.  And cry he did, inconsolably, for another two or three minutes.  Alla finally walked in.  Zev extended his arms towards mom and was picked up.  At roughly 0.7 seconds of physical contact with mom, not quite in Alla's arms, Zev was quiet.  The little brat.  I went to sleep.

In another event, one I have not witnessed, Ben took hold of a toy they both wanted (lately it has been a toy cell phone that talks and plays music).  Zev went after the toy, of course.  Ben held onto the toy, then went (OK, crawled) to the box, got another toy and gave it to Zev.  No idea if it worked, but the thought was nice.

A habit recently acquired by Zev is pulling hair of whoever happens to be in vicinity.  As you can imagine, Alla and aunt Olga are the primary sufferers.  At yesterday's Costco trip the target was Ben, while the boys shared a ride in a cart.  As you can imagine, the indignant crying that resulted (from both, you betcha), was epic.  This prompts a question of a) means of immediately altering behavior that do not involve physical punishment and b) means of long-term behavior correction, such as teaching not to pull hair via a stern "нельзя!" (not allowed!) and instantaneous punishment by withholding attention for a minute per year of age.  To be pondered later.

This morning Zevi woke up at 5:30 on the nose.  While Alla and I were debating the merits of getting him vs. letting him ride it out in order to teach him that 5:30 is still 'night', the crying continued.  In a true example of family consensus, Alla finally said "I am getting him" and went to grab Zev.  By that point, of course, Ben was awake and cried at the unfairness of being left in the room as Zev was picked up.  It was a great time for all of us to be awake anyway, right?  I, certainly, was too angry (at no one in particular) to sleep at that point.

On this cheerful note, I will wish everyone a more restful and less exhaustingly anger-filled Sunday morning than I have had so far.

early morning post

The life has somewhat returned to normal.  I say this with a grain of salt, as "normal" sometimes includes waking up before 6am.  But them, as they say, is the breaks.

The boys have recently learned to say "дать" (to give).  As in "дать тебе печеньку?" - "shall I give you a cookie"?  So now when they want something, they point and say "give", using the infinitive form.  Better than nothing.

The incidents of walking, while still limited to 3-5 steps, become somewhat more frequent.  At a recent Gymboree trip Alla and I noticed that the boys can now negotiate any and all obstacles there, entirely at will and without assistance.  They do, also, continue to show a strong independent streak -- with little regard for the teacher's plans, Benjamin and Zev play when they want and where they want.